I am not ashamed of me or where my life has taken me. I have suffered traumatic experiences that most people would never go through, I have lost people close to me and I will mourn them forever. It never goes away I just take each day as I go and hope for a better tomorrow. I have come to learn we are put on earth for a reason and this is my message to the world… I have seen the good the bad and the ugly yet I still have faith that human kind will one day come together and be one. I still have faith in God. I believe there was once a King who cared for mankind and nurtured the people to Cherish life and believe in the power of prayer for strength for love for eternal life. I am not preaching here I am just stating my thoughts on my own life. I believe in miracles and I will always look above and beyond the devastation and propaganda. Noone should need to suffer in silence and as long as my time is here on earth I will try my utmost best to help people and give them strength to carry on in life. Bereavement is a subject I once would never talk about I used to rebel against life and push people away. I couldn’t hold back my tears when I thought about my friends or family passing away and young or old, poorly or not it doesn’t really matter the feelings still hit you like a storm and whizz you around until you fall. I will probably always mourn for my loved ones and it still hurts everyday but I am stronger than I was ten years ago I can see how pain and suffering can either make or break you.. The main thing I’ve learnt about life is opening up my emotions and reaching out for help. One is only human and one sometimes needs a brother or a sister to lean on and I don’t mean literally siblings, as some people are alone but we are all God’s family here on earth so why can’t we start helping people and believing in them instead of hurting and leaving them to suffer. I can’t help everyone who suffers as some people don’t want the help they are used to suffering a pushing people away. If I can get my story out there even send a strong message of love and peace I will be happy with myself. Life is about learning and I am learning everyday. Noone is born with knowledge we simply learn as we grow.

Belive in yourself

Always have hope… Always dream big…. forget the loud energy outside, the world has gone crazy… Have hope because hope will give you that little tiny something to hold onto… Don’t let negative energy influence your mind this is what I tell myself everyday… Don’t let the wonders of the world stop you from achieving your dreams!! If you let people drag you down for too long you become isolated and blame yourself you start thinking you can not do better for yourself when in actual fact you can do so much better than what your telling yourself now…. pick yourself back up and become the warrior and the fighter that I know you can be…. 😘

The Past

In this world our time goes fast

We all leave memories that forever will last

Good or bad they are all in the past

So indulge in the moment

Grab your spear for a third cast

See were not guaranteed tomorrow

The present won’t last

So have another go

You can be your own hero

The past is over, The past is gone

Live for today

Let yesterday’s nightmares begone

The past is over, The past is gone

It’s what lies ahead

The mistakes are inevitable

It’s what we learn from

The past is over, The past is gone

You have your own ambitions

You have dreams to work on

Let the past be over, Let the past be gone

Get over for today

See what tomorrow brings

Let go of your fears

Tomorrow will come.

Wooops I’m panicking again..

It starts heads going 100 miles an hour thinking how, what if, when, why?? Questioning my own life and wonder if I’m doing all I can or could I do more.. whoops I’m panicking again..

In this life anyone can be poisoned, anyone can be hurt but why isit that my mind is racing from everything I’ve heard?? everything I’ve learned.. whoops.. Im panicking again..

I’ll go and lie down to drown out my thoughts only to find when I wake they are there all the same i think in my mind this is just like a game, is it a game? A game of hearts some being torn up and some being saved..

whoops I’m panicking again..

First blog post

This is my very first post, I have never done anything like this before but I think as a nation we can share our strengths and struggles with each other to help us overcome obstacles that arise in our life. This blog is about anxiety and depression and a little insight into the thoughts and feelings a person can go through from day to day, week by week, month after month, for many years.

As I walk through each day in this crazy world we live in I fight thoughts in my own mind,I have feelings of anxiety and negative thoughts just like anyone else does but I can’t just brush them off like others do (don’t no why) I do try to just forget about them and just go about my daily routines but I still struggle. I like to push myself to my limits, low self esteem has tortured me throughout life and ruined my confidence in doing things I wanted to do.

You see I worry about how people “see me” how they “look” at me and what they “think about me”, I worry about how I come across to them do I look horrible ? Do I look dirty ? Do I smell funny ? Do I look fat in these jeans ? Is my skin bleeding from the anxious scratching ? Can they tell I’ve been crying ? Do I look tired from being up all hours ? These are just a few thoughts I deal with daily I mean don’t get me wrong I can fight these thoughts sometimes but most of the time they get me down and stop me from achieving my goals as someone who suffers with a skin disorder I get a lot of social anxiety and feel embarrassed of the way I look. I become withdrawn and isolate myself away from others until I feel like my skin has settled or looks better,  I do have good days where I will get my phone out and take a selfie just like anyone else does but my selfies turn into 100 pictures and deciding which one looks the best to me (perfectionism) I see every flaw I have before anyone else (trust me whatever you think about me I have already tortured myself for it) I look deep into every thought if it doesn’t look nice to me how can it possibly look nice to anyone else ? This is just a selfie, I mean social embarrassment seems like nothing to some people they just get on with it and I’ve heard people say it’s all in your mind stop over thinking things but as its one of my worst fears I simply can’t just stop these thoughts. (It is Easier said than done).

“Feeling like this affects friendships, relationships, social interactions, work life, and home life”.

Im just going to start by telling you what I have realised about the energy around me when I go into a crowded place like a shopping mall or a restaurant I feel so many different energies around me, wether it be the rush of the waitresses trying to take everyone’s order or the chefs that are shouting in the kitchen or the old lady that’s standing by the steps surrounded by people rushing around, a child that is running away from her mummy, a security guard following someone who looks suspicious to him, people arguing and shoving each other, people just stood there staring into space… I think you get the drift by now. Well someone who doesn’t suffer from social anxiety probably wouldn’t even noticed half of these things going on around them but someone like me I soak everything in I take on these energies wether it’s positive or negative I feel them deep within my soul, I feel in a panick and on edge.

The same time I want to sort their problems out for them that’s how much I think about others before me, before long I forget what I have come out for because all this energy takes up my attention and drains the life and soul out of me so I end up buying things I don’t even need and not before long I end up feeling wound up and exhausted. Then I just leave without hesitation I will get back in my car and wind down before I set off home.

This is what anxiety does. This is what depression does.